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Multicultural Chaos

There we were, newly married, living thousands of miles from either home in Durham, North Carolina, where he was in medical school. My husband was from Texas and I was from the North Shore of Chicago. We came from two different cultures ourselves, and we were now together in a new one. It turned out to be culture shock on top of culture shock as we adjusted to each other and the cosmopolitan student body at Duke Medical School.

CULTURE CAN BE LEARNED

Culture is something we learn. It is not linked to race or ethnicity, religion or anything else, but it draws inspiration from all of these groups, and especially if we have only lived in one place, have only moved in one social group and/or have not been exposed to other cultures, we tend to think of our own culture as sacred. However, the other person too!

As we enter an exciting new world of global interaction, there will be clashes of cultures. Let’s continue to look at this through my Thanksgiving tale.

THE PLAYERS

The first Thanksgiving came and friends from New England invited us and 6 other couples. Among the guests were a man from the Dominican Republic married to a woman from Spain; a couple from Missouri; a New York man married to a Brazilian; two French Canadians from Quebec; and two Australians who were not medical students, but neighborhood friends. The religions represented were Protestant, Catholic and Jewish. And, should I add, it included both men and women.

As friends, we all talked to each other before, during and after the event. A lot of it was about understanding what was going on with all these nationalities represented. We split into factions on what was “right” and what was “wrong”, often switching sides with different issues.

TIME & COMMUNICATION

“Why noon?” asked my husband. “When do we eat ?” My husband liked everything organized without surprises. I was more flexible, but ready to dive in and explore, so I called the hostess. “It’s a buffet,” she said. I looked for more information, like when were we due to leave, and could I bring anything, hoping she would reveal the menu. His answers were typically New England, short and concise.

“You haven’t discovered anything?” asked my husband when I returned empty-handed.

“She didn’t offer anything,” I said. “I did the best I could.”

“Why didn’t you just ask him the questions?” he said.

“Because it’s rude,” I said.

“You are too polite,” he replied.

“So the next time you call,” I said.

“It’s a woman’s job,” he replied.

We and the Missourians arrived at noon: 11, which was our cultural precept; a few minutes late to allow the host and hostess to make last minute adjustments, but no more than 15 minutes late. The French Canadians and Australians arrived about 30 minutes later. Couples that included a Latino arrived an hour or two after noon.

“How rude,” The New Yorker said. “How are we supposed to be able to plan? What do you do when you invite the Gonzalezes?

“Relax,” the Australians said. “We all have children. Things happen.”

The French Canadians spoke to each other in French, obviously not liking the delays, then smiled and said to us, “Isn’t this a wonderful Thanksgiving,” avoiding dissension.

The Latinos didn’t seem to notice that their wandering was anything out of the ordinary. They were busy kissing everyone and having a great time!

How we deal with time varies greatly from culture to culture. We had had our cocktail hour by the time the Latinos arrived and were ready to eat, but thought they should have time for drinks and a chat as well. It was an awkward moment. Somewhere, too, there was a football game involved, the timing of which was messed up.

“Don’t worry about the football game,” said the Dominican. “It’s Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving IS the football game,” my husband told me, soto voce, angry because of this and also because he hadn’t eaten anything.

THE CLOTHE

Everyone from the medical school contingent was dressed up and in festive attire. The Australians were in blue jeans. The social group also has a power of attraction.

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